How To Vote
As many of you doubtless learned today, tomorrow is Election Day in the United States!
Some of you, however, might not know where to vote or how, so here’s the procedure:
- Google “where do I vote?” Google will ask for your zip code and will then forward you to a page featuring the location of a nearby polling center.
- DO NOT travel to this location. This is a trap.
- Think hard, try to remember—is there a location you keep dreaming about? A place that seems embedded, like a childhood memory, in the yawning fissures of the deepest reaches of your nighttime thoughts? It is real, I promise you. And it’s there you must go to vote. But not yet.
- Go to the Anderson House. Old Man Anderson will answer the door and before he gives you any trouble, show him the locket your grandmother gave you. He’ll ask you where you got it, then get irritable and say he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. He’ll then slam the door in your face.
- Call after him “Is this about what happened to Eliza? Your sister? Why did she disappear, those many years ago?” or “I want to vote.” Either one will do.
- He will appear again behind the dusty, rusty screen of the door and reluctantly let you in.
- Follow his instructions. Heed his advice. But don’t trust him completely.
- Get to the Old Willow Tree before sunset—this is PARAMOUNT. Also, bring a valid photo ID and proof of residence.
- Do you still have the locket?
- You’ve realized you don’t. Old Man Anderson must have taken it.
- You need to find out what happened to Eliza. You need to talk to her ghost.
- Later, when you face Old Man Anderson, tell him what she said. Tell him she forgives him.
- He will break down and cry. Then he will give you the locket back.
- Go back to the Old Willow Tree. Hurry, the sun has almost set. Again, bring a photo ID and a proof of residence.
- Yell the name of the candidate you mean to vote for into the old, knotty hole in its trunk. Also, throw the locket in.
- As the blinding light and rush of air erupting from the tree whips through your hair, remember to digitally sign your ballot.
- Go back to the Anderson House. It’s empty, isn’t it? Looks like it hasn’t been lived in in years. Look at the photo on the desk. A young Old Man Anderson has joined his sister in the photo in front of the Old Willow Tree.
- Complete an exit poll, if you so choose.
Anonymous asked: Kinda lost respect for you. While GoDaddy's never capitulated to boycotting (sarcasm), your excuse for not voting is... you don't have enough say? How stupid. People have died for that very freedom. Liberty is a great, great thing. Will your vote decide an election? No. It's kind of like a child folding his arms in the corner because they don't have it there way. What's the point of complaining/writing about stuff that, according to you, you don't have a say in?
While GoDaddy’s never capitulated to boycotting (sarcasm)
Yeah, they buckled when Wikipedia threatened to move. Not a nobody blogger like myself. If I had the sort of power Wikipedia does, I’d make different decisions. I’d have more responsibilities, certainly. It goes back to what I said—GoDaddy depends on Wikipedia for a substantial amount of traffic/revenue. Possibly more than anyone else. It’s all about power dynamics. You should understand these things before you step into an arena of discussion re: political action and social movements.
your excuse for not voting is… you don’t have enough say? How stupid. People have died for that very freedom.
Yeah, and people are dying right now under the impression that they’re doing something worthwhile, that they’re helping the American people in some way. The fact that people have died for it doesn’t mean I have to support it, Toby Keith. Support our Troops is not the same as Support our War. And liberty IS a great thing. It means I’m *able* to vote (which is, on an individual level, an entirely performative, sentimental, and symbolic act), not that I’m *required* to.
Will your vote decide an election? No. It’s kind of like a child folding his arms in the corner because they don’t have it there [sic] way.
No, it’s rather like a child refusing to answer the question “who would you like to make your decisions for you” when he knows that his answer won’t have any effect on the outcome, because someone else is already making his decisions for him. Or an adult doing that. About absolutely anything.
What’s the point of complaining/writing about stuff that, according to you, you don’t have a say in?
Again, don’t grill me for consistency. I’ve said before that part of the reason I talk more about masculism than feminism is that it’s such an underdeveloped and underexposed movement that I actually can open people up to it—I actually do have a say. I’ve gotten dozens of emails/messages about people who have been grateful that I’ve turned them onto certain things.
And apart from that, writing about these things keeps me learning about them. It helps me develop a consistent belief system and it sparks debates with other like-minded people and even opponents. And, when conducted civilly, helps both parties develop as intellectuals.
Going to a booth and pressing a few buttons is not equivalent, or even comparable to, intellectual discourse. You can feel superior if you like, and lose respect for me if you like, but I haven’t been fooled into thinking that the privilege of entering a booth and pressing a button on Schrödinger’s ballot box is empowering.
For future reference, include an email address or something if you want a response to something like this, because I don’t like mucking up people’s newsfeeds like this.