Posts tagged with ‘jokes’ include the following:

Who has two thumbs and is dead? Points with index finger at coffin “THAT guy!” (widow sobs)

In Honor Of April Fool’s Day, My Three Favorite Pranks


1. The Sokal Affair

In 1996, Alan Sokal (an NYU physics professor) was fed up with the pervasive, waffly trend of postmodern deconstructionism in academia—of people like Derrida whose work is often riddled with circumlocution and false syllogisms and which aims to undermine the existence and importance of objective realities.

He submitted a deliberately nonsensical paper called ”Transgressing the Boundaries: Towards a Transformative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity” to an academic journal. And it was published.

Sokal describes it as "a pastiche of left-wing cant, fawning references, grandiose quotations, and outright nonsense…structured around the silliest quotations [by postmodernist academics] I could find about mathematics and physics."

Said Sokal, “Anyone who believes that the laws of physics are mere social conventions is invited to try transgressing those conventions from the windows of my apartment. I live on the twenty-first floor.”


2. I, Libertine

Jean Shepherd, the raconteur best known for A Christmas Story, had a long and fascinating career as an irreverent radio host. His prank came out of frustration, like Sokal’s—specifically with the way the New York Times Bestseller list was determined.

He claimed that if enough people simply requested a book from bookstores around the country, it would make the NTY Bestseller list. He asked his viewers to request I, Libertine by Fredrick R. Ewing—a book and an author that didn’t exist. They obeyed. And it made the New York Times Bestseller list.



In 2009, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer orchestrated the company’s most elaborate April Fool’s Day prank to date.

With competitors Google and Apple dwarfing the erstwhile top dog Microsoft corporation, Ballmer decided to engage in a little good-natured self-effacing fun.

Under his direction, Microsoft engineered and launched a search engine of their own—ostensibly in competition with Google—which they named Bing. And people actually used it. is still an active website—you can visit it and even use the functioning search engine.

Hey NERDS, this year’s Portrait Valentines are done! Print them out and eat them.

If you’d like to support me buy them here! Or come to my recitals once in a while. It wouldn’t kill you.

Past historical/portrait valentines here.

My main portrait valentines are coming soon! As an appetizer, I made a few with quotes from comedians about Valentiney things.

Buy them here, unless you’re a racist or something and don’t want to because Aziz is brown. Are you a racist? I feel like you are.

Previous portrait valentines here.

Harry Potter pickup lines that have not worked for me

Are you the Chamber of Secrets? Because I’d probably need to use my tongue skillfully to get inside you.

Am I the Whomping Willow? Because when you get near me I flail around and endanger lives.

Are you Peter Pettigrew? Because if I found out you’d been living in my room my whole life I’d get over it pretty quickly.

Are you the flying Ford Anglia? Because even if you’d been living in the woods for months I’d still want to get inside you.

Are you a portkey? Because when we touch I feel transported. And then a bit sick.

Are you the Elder Wand? Because I feel like if I kill your boyfriend you’ll end up with me.

Are you Hogwarts? Because your inner workings confuse the shit out of me.

Are you a Boggart? Because when I look at you, I think of commitment.

Are you Hermione Granger? Because I think about you sexually a lot.

High School Lit Valentines.

You can buy them here.

"Deborah who?"
More of this year’s Portrait Valentines!
Also they’ll be for sale here starting February 2.

"Deborah who?"

More of this year’s Portrait Valentines!

Also they’ll be for sale here starting February 2.



Knock knock. Who’s there? Oedipal. Oedipal who?

I Oedipal the chocolates I bought you, but happy Mother’s Day! Also you’re looking sexy.

I did my first standup set at an actual comedy venue this week. Here’s some of it!