My roommate Hana found the pieces of a meticulously torn up letter outside on the street.
We reassembled them to find the prison correspondence from one “Hoodious IV” to “Amanda Dawn.” It contains some pretty heavy stuff…and some less heavy stuff. And some drawings.
Babe? It has a nice ring to it, no?
Finally got to talk to you :) Its awsome because I’ve been dying to hear your voice & know the little nigga’s been, but it sucks at the same time because my mouth is starting to hurt from smiling so much. Too bad Hunter was napping. It would’ve been pretty great to have heard him. Maybe next time.
This whole cancer thing will blow over babe. FACT! Like I said, baby mama had it. Yeah, she doesn’t hold the title of wife. She’s been demoted to B/M’s. She had it & still suffers from some side affects & shit. Yours is just a little trickier but it’ll be good, you’ll see babe. God isn’t going to give you such an incredible gift (Hunter) & then keep you from enjoying him. It is a very serious matter without a doubt, but it’s a minor thing to a giant ; ) Plus, I know I’ve done some pretty fucked up things in my life but I feel like I’m paying for them now, so I know God’s not going to punish me twice: Taking my freedom & then you….No No!
I put the pen down for a second. Writing ‘no no’ & stopping to pray for you. I read “Living Faith” every morning once I get up. There’s a passage to read for every day, from April to June & this is how I believe in faith. Because i hadn’t ready morning passage before talking to you & then we spoke about your situation & US. We hung up & I sat down to write to you, stopped briefly & this is wheat I read. I had to send it to you. Not only do you make me feel a certain way, but you bring me closer to faith. Your Exquisite! Alot of people find it hard to believe that I’m a ‘believer’ because I’ve done so many bad things & the path I chose is so dark, but being a sinner I ask for forgiveness all the time & I pray for other’s constantly.
Matter -o-fact, across the top of my chest it say’s: Don’t pray for me. Pray for my enemies. Like you said, there is nothing that I can do for you at this moment, but ALWAYS know that you can write me ANYTHING in the world without the fear of being judged or talk to me about whatever on the phone. I’ll support you the best I can & comfort you emotionally because for now, I’m limited. There’s nothing that your going to tell me that’s going to change my feelings for you. Ya heard me? These feelings are concrete & get stronger by the minute, believe that ;)
Do I believe in Love at first sight? Never did as a kid or a teen. Maybe cuz my teen years were spent in jail, but I just brushed that off as bullshit. I won’t sell you a ticket & tell you that I believe in it now because of you. I believed in it with the ex. Yeeeaaahhh…. First time I saw her I knew I’d marry her & two years later we got married. With you, honestly Amanda, it’s the same feeling. I’m not telling you what you want to hear & I’m not responding to the letter you wrote. I already responded to that. I’m telling you this because I keep it funky & I’ve been telling you from the ghett that I would would marry you with no questions & THEN get to know you with time. There were & are no lies in that.
What drew me to you. I’m not exactly sure, but talking to you on the phone & listening to Showtime mention you sparked an interest in you, that at first I tried brushing off, but found myself thinking about you during lock-in & asking simple questions to Showtime about you & I couldn’t shake it. Would I have told you that I think I love you back then? Yeah Amanda. I would’ved, but my pride wouldn’t let me make a fool of myself. What would you have said to that? JESUS! But now here you are expressing yourself to me & I’m dumb founded. Love at first sight is deff. real & I’ve experienced it twice in 24 years. I just want you to be clear & sure of your thoughts & feelings & emotions. I want you to understand & fully comprehend the meaning that you feel. Do I feel the way I do because the situation I’m in leaves most in a vulnerable state? Absolutely not! My state is vulnerable, not me. Like I’ve said, I’ve got other females that tell me everything under the sun & they get a “thank you” or an “OK” from me & then on to the next topic. I’m picky as fuck babe, believe that. But you’ve got me wrapped around your finger: “Cranberries-Linger” listen to it.
I told you that I know what I want. I want you babe. I want to get out, get my money right & settle back. The streets know my name. I’ve got the up most respect every where & I’ve put in enough work to be something close to legendary (not my words, its what people say. FACT!) I want to enjoy my life on the calm & it would be finest to enjoy it with you. Don’t get me wrong, I want you to enjoy your life, live it to the fullest with no regret, but just keep me in mind, you know?
I’m crazy about you Amanda Dawn! FACT! (But I’ve been hurt enough to keep my guard up for so long & it’s still up…. to the world, but you. Why? Not sure, but time will tell all.
Keep your Head up & STAY SUCKER FREE!
Give hunter a hug for me & ask him about his nap :)
you stay down for me & I’ll be down for you….
you go down on me & I’ll go down on you….
[Then there’s a cursive “Hood’s Barbie,” a drawing of bloodshot eyes and a nose connected to a tube snorting drugs, including a syringe labeled “Amanda” and a joint labeled “AMANDA DAWN” captioned all with “I’m an Idiot!”]
Pictures babe! I know…patience is a virtue but my patiences doesn’t stand close to my addiction of looking at you.
Damn….Im an addict!