I’m sifting through old text files, and I found a myspace bulletin quiz I wrote in 2007

What sort of life have you been living? Find out by taking this quiz!

Post this as “how many of these things have you done”

1. Walked to the store
2. Seen a parrot
3. Had one yogurt and then decided to have another
4. Changed the way you write a percent sign
5. Told someone their shoes were untied
6. Played with Legos
7. Had iced tea
8. Drawn a picture of a former/current president
9. Spoken to an Irish person
10. Eaten a salad with red wine vinaigrette

TOTAL SO FAR:

1. Said “invisible” instead of “indivisible” during the pledge of allegiance, just to be funny
2. Had fresh mozzarella
3. Eaten only part of an hors d’œuvre and left the rest on the plate
4. Been to the zoo
5. Missed the new year ball drop
6. Made anything out of papier-mâché
7. Smelled cigarette smoke
8. Thought about what the world would be like had you never been born, like George Bailey did in “It’s a Wonderful Life”
9. Successfully commanded a dog to play dead
10. Seen a real cannon

TOTAL SO FAR:

1. Made a promise
2. Broken a promise
3. Made a contribution to PBS
4. Broken a promise to make a contribution to PBS
5. Made a contribution to TBS
6. Had a bout with IBS
7. Liked a show on CBS
8. Played a game of BS
9. Written a backwards letter S
10. Heard “The Long and Winding Road” by The Beatles.

TOTAL SO FAR:

1. Used DRAIN-O
2. Ridden on roller-skates
3. Laughed at something that wasn’t funny, because you desperately wanted to convince your date that you understood the joke because she just kept shooting you looks throughout the whole movie like she thought you didn’t get the humor, which you did, you just don’t really find “relationship humor” relatable or funny, and she shouldn’t have expected you to laugh since she was the one who dragged you into “Little Black Book,” and you only agreed to see it because that hot actress who plays Karen in “The Office” plays a gynecologist in it, and she shot you dirty looks during that scene anyway, because yeah, okay, that was the only part of the movie you payed attention to, but it wasn’t because you have some weird thing for gynecology, which she obviously thought, it was because of Karen from The Office, and then you had to lie and tell her that she was prettier than Brittany Murphy in the lobby afterward, when all you really wanted was to play “Cruisin’ Exotica”, but you didn’t have enough quarters, and then when you asked her she called you immature, and started listing all of the times that you were late for things, and told you you would never settle down, and told you she had to go think about some things, and walked out of the lobby, so you went to play “Cruisin’ Exotica”, but you got stuck with the one on the right that doesn’t have Automatic Transmission and you can’t pop wheelies by pressing the gas twice really fast like you can on the one on the left, because some little shit teenager was on the good one, and he beat you in the race and all his little friends laughed at you, so you hit one of them and then had to run out because the manager was calling the police, and when you got to your car, there was a dent in it because somebody nicked your bumper and drove off, so you kicked it in anger and probably broke your toe, so you had to drive home using your left foot for the pedals, and finally got home and passed out with a bottle of Jack Daniels to “Two and a Half Men”
4. Seen an “outie” belly-button
5. Volunteered anywhere
6. Had deviled eggs
7. Pretended you were hiding from Nazis
8. Been on a cruise
9. Drank cranberry juice at a diner
10. Seen a “House, M.D.” marathon.

TOTAL SO FAR:

GRAND TOTAL:

What your total means:

1-10: You have done between one and ten of these things
11-20: You have done between eleven and twenty of these things
21-30: You have done between twenty-one and thirty of these things
31-40: You have done between thirty-one and forty of these things