Do you ever just want a plain slice of chocolate cake but everything is called “DECADENT CHOCOLATE CATASTROPHE” and “TRIPLE LAYER FUDGE HORROR” and stuff and it’s just like come on I want a slice of cake not an emergency.
DO YOU WANT A THEME SONG
(Here’s an Emma-Watson-themed song I did in 2011 for reference.)
Emily — You are a devoted friend. You often prioritize the happiness of others above your own. Try to set some time aside for yourself!
Anita — You are the queen of esoteric talents! You can juggle, moonwalk, walk fast, spit into anyone’s mouth, slap your dad awake when he’s sleeping, and rob stores then burn the money.
Hannah — You’re a bleeding heart. Literally! Gross. Get a body, Hannah!
Rebecca — Family means everything to you. Anyone’s family. You like to go into their houses and tie them up and gag them, then act out all the Simpsons couch gags with your new living puppets.
Rhonda — That’s a stupid name. Are you a mom? That’s a mom name.
Yasmin — You know how to party! By knocking everyone out with codeine and drawing nude Dr. Seuss characters all over them. Is that a Grinch dick? That’s a Grinch dick!
Gina — Gina, you are so boring it’s criminal! Get a personality, Gina!
Charlotte — You’re super feisty and nothing can stand in the way of your goals. If your goal is to pick up a quarter off the sidewalk and someone gets to it first, they’ll get a sea urchin up the ass courtesy of Charlotte (that’s you!).
Marissa — It’s your destiny to find the other half of the amulet and follow the path it reveals. Get on that, Marissa! You go girl!
Kristin or Kristen — You are a real planner; an organization freak! You planned the Kennedy assassination.
All other names are bullshit/fake.
Intern Mermaid made me a button of my faaaaaaace (at Frederator Studios)
If you’re still awake you get to hear this gem I pulled from the audiobook of Terry Pratchett’s “Guards! Guards!”
of equilibrium in the arm
Weirdly poetic TVT1001 Belt-Drive turntable instruction manual or Yoga Instructor?
TLDs (Top Level Domains) have been liberated and my first course of action was to purchase this URL.
Turn on your speakers and help spread awareness about the CHUNK.PINK brand!