Hey uh, emmyc I made you a birthday song.

This afternoon.

Cause I know you like ‘em written composed and recorded in 2 hrs or less.

Lyrics:

My dearest Emmy I’ve been told

You’re turning 25 Years Old

And your professed preference has me miffed

I know you dislike pageantry

But I feel I’d be an absentee

If I didn’t find for you the world’s most ostentatious gift

I thought about

a watering can

a sputtering van

a poster of a toaster or a catamaran

but I settled on a solid gold statue of Shania Twain

Maybe the Philosopher’s Stone

some awful cologne

a motor boat or motorola mobile phone

but no, I got for you a solid gold Statue of Shania Twain

I know you said you needed a horse

Or a lawyer for your divorce

But I realized that of course

A gilded country singer’s bust is what you meant by that

So I didn’t buy you new kicks

Or a bag of wet ticks

But it won’t be long until you’re turning twenty six

And I can give you a brass figurine of Stevie Nicks

But for now it’s a solid gold statue of Shania Twain

And a stale baguette

And a hug!

Isn’t it kind of disturbing when people use the term “sick” to describe something they’re disgusted by?
Like “this man is sick and I hope he rots in jail.”
Nah, that’s not what you hope for sick people.
Use a different metaphor for your hateful thoughts.

A lively decoration AND a colorful euphemism for vagina!

A lively decoration AND a colorful euphemism for vagina!

Sometimes you have to just do it.

Video | Audio

DO NOT DOWNLOAD THE JUMANJI APP

DO NOT DOWNLOAD THE JUMANJI APP

Hon-hon-HON

Hon-hon-HON

I put together a Summer 2014 mix for a music swap with some friends and I decided YOU should all have it, too!
(It’s very big.)
It’s got:
Disco, Canadian Spanish-Language Indie Rock, Television Scores, Hip Hop, 80’s Pop, Calypso, 80’s Glam, Ska, Minimalist Classical, Civil War Camp Anthems, Showtunes, more 80’s Pop, and yeah okay one Macklemore song.

I put together a Summer 2014 mix for a music swap with some friends and I decided YOU should all have it, too!

(It’s very big.)

It’s got:

Disco, Canadian Spanish-Language Indie Rock, Television Scores, Hip Hop, 80’s Pop, Calypso, 80’s Glam, Ska, Minimalist Classical, Civil War Camp Anthems, Showtunes, more 80’s Pop, and yeah okay one Macklemore song.

I am your Trash Messiah. I gave my body that you might redeem it for 5 cents in Maine.

I am your Trash Messiah. I gave my body that you might redeem it for 5 cents in Maine.